Hidan's Christmas
by OfFiCiAl.TwIlIgHtEr
Summary: Hidan hates Christmas and Tobi tries to make it better. Will it work? Where's Tobi? Only one way to find out!: Read this! oneshot. Please R&R. Rated for Hidan's mouth. NO YAOI!


**A/N: **MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I love Christmas and was thinking (who knows why) about what Hidan would do every Christmas. And I thought it would make a funny fanfic, so I decided to write it. XD

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto or the characters. v/\v If I did own it, all the Akatsuki (especially Hidan) would be alive right now.

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"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, TOBI!"

Deidara went over to a now very confused Tobi to explain. "God, un. You got a death wish, or something? Don't you know about Hidan's hatred of all things Christmas, un?!"

"Why would Tobi have a death wish?... Why does Hidan hate Christmas? Everyone should LOVE Christmas! It's got pretty colors."

"Tobi… you really do have a death wish, don't you, un? Hidan hates Christmas because it makes him feel left out." Deidara replied sarcastically. Of course Tobi, being who he is, didn't notice the sarcasm.

As he thought about this, the visible eye got bigger. _Tobi needs to make Hidan-sempai love Christmas. _**(thought he said this in his head, but he actually said it out loud.)**

"And Tobi needs to take his meds, un. And a cushion or two couldn't hurt if you're gonna go talk to Hidan about liking Christmas, un." Deidara said to Tobi, and then to himself: _Besides, we're ninjas, S-ranked criminals no less. Shouldn't we hate the very idea of Christmas, un?! Oh well. If he gets killed by Hidan that's one less freak for me to worry about stealing my clay... Un._

So Tobi set off in search of Hidan.

**Hidan POV**

I was in my room about to perform the ritual, like always, when that annoying orange-faced bastard ran into my room, as fast as humanly possible.

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME! YOU TINY LITTLE BAST-"

The rest of that was cut off when the little freak ran into the wall and fell down, quite literally on me **(Really, people. Nothing gay here. Move it along. And don't hold your breath for HidaTobi crap from me. IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!)**. So then, as hard as I could, I pushed Tobi off of me. He actually flew a few feet. It was pretty fucking funny, but I knew I had to get him out of the room at least, before he woke up and started bugging me about "getting in the Christmas spirit" and other idiotic shit like that.

So, I knocked him out, rolled him up in a rug and put him outside Zetsu's door- if I was lucky, maybe the plant man would think he was dead and eat him. Not very probable, but a guy can still hope, can't he?

Then I went to find Deidara. If not him, who else would have told Tobi to try and convert me, or whatever the hell he had been trying to do.

I found the blond transvestite **(Sorry, but I think Hidan thinks this way, and I thought it would be too funny not to put in. I don't have anything against Deidara, and think he's cool in his own special way, but I couldn't resist the temptation.)** in his room working on a new sculpture-ish-thingy. He looked up when I came in, then started rolling on the floor laughing his ass off like he had just heard the funniest joke ever.

"S-so… Hi-Hidan… have you… decided to join… the wonderful.. world of Christianity.. and convert, un?" he asked me between huge laughing fits, eventually calming down his maniac giggling and just sitting there smirking at me.

"FUCK YOU, BASTARD! I hope your little friend goes and gets himself killed by Zetsu."

That shut him up. He actually had the guts to look kind of annoyed and mad at me. "Wait, so you're telling me that you _didn't_ kill him, un? Aw, crap. I was really counting on you to kill him so I wouldn't have to do it, and then maybe I'd be able to get a new partner before my next mission…, un"

That was just fucking annoying. He wanted me to kill him, which would get me in deep shit with Leader for killing another member (again) when _he_ wouldn't do it himself?! That was seriously fucked up.

"Oh well. You're right, un. Zetsu might do it. Oh well, un. _Merry Christmas,_ Hidan, un!" and the god-damned fucker just walked off, after all that, _and,_ directly or not, dissing Jashin-sama. So, I picked up the first spiky thing I saw- a kunai- and threw it so it would hit him between the shoulder blades. But then one of the bastard's birds flew out of nowhere and got hit by the kunai aimed for Deidara's back. _Damn it. Just 1 second later and Deidara would be dead. Or at least paralyzed for life…._ After this conclusion, I moved from where I had been standing the whole time, and went to finish the prayer. Maybe I could include a certain masked ninja in the ceremony…. No. I'll let Zetsu take care of it.

The Next Day

**Zetsu POV**

Hey, Zetsu? Have you seen Tobi, un? I can't find him anywhere and Leader says I have to take him with on all my missions, no matter how annoying he gets, un. And he kind of likes you and you don't eat him… so I was wondering if you had seen him anywhere, or if he might be hanging out or something…?

"No, I haven't seen Tobi anywhere. Maybe you should check the garden. He likes it there, I think."

The answer seemed to give Deidara an idea. "Or maybe he "ran away, un…. The thought seemed to cheer him up, so I let him go on thinking that. The truth… well, let's just say there are times the truth is better left in the dark… or a rug….

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Hidan: What the HELL was that for?! Making me go through that torture AND making fun of my religion?! NOT COOL!!!

Emo Puffball (me): As if anyone gives a shit about what you think of this. Besides, as long as I get good reviews I will continue to do stuff like this. So, if you've got a problem with it, ask the people to say something. Because otherwise, nothing will change.

Hidan: But I thought I was you're favorite?!

Tobi: Wwwwhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Merry Christmas!!!!

Hidan: TOBI!!! STFU!!!

Emo Puffball: Yes, Hidan. Even if you _are_ my favorite character it's just too frikin' fun to make fun of you. But I can _maybe_ write another one that makes you look good… Dunno. Haven't decided yet….

Should I continue it? I probably won't, but if I feel I must…. XP


End file.
